"Hey sis"

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately.  On the twelve months since Ann’s death, the four months of her illness, the eight years she lived in Belgium and our growing up years. 

As the oldest, Ann set so many great examples for her siblings.  If she hadn’t been in 4-H, FFA or gone to Iowa State University the path for all of the Feldpausch kids would possibly have been very different.  I remember watching her give oral presentations in 4-H and FFA.  She was a “hand talker” using lots of gestures.   During one of my visits to Belgium, Rudi commented on how much Ann and my characteristics were alike – hand gestures, facial expressions, and even the sound of our voices… a compliment I will never forget. 

4-H also gave Ann the opportunity to explore the kitchen.  I remember her most frequent baking item to be cinnamon rolls.  She usually didn’t decide to make these until late into the evening, resulting in a late night baking session as she would have to wait to let the yeast rise.  I test tasted several dozen batches. 

I wouldn’t say that anyone in our family has ever mastered fashion but as the big sister, Ann was a trendsetter for Karen and I, at least in the country western world.  I remember begging to wear her gray Roper boots.  “Fit” wasn’t as important as appearance then.  Showing livestock at the fair and then being a member of the I.S.U. Livestock Meats Judging Team, it was practically dress code to wear Wrangler jeans, Roper boots and big shiny belt buckle.   I still love my boots.  Mom made Ann’s senior prom dress.  It was floor length royal blue satin with long, puffy sleeves.  I remember sneaking into Ann’s closet and playing dress up, even wearing Ann’s high heel shoes around the house.

Ann and Brian started something in the 1980s to provide lots of family entertainment and teaching work ethic into the early 2000s.  Raising and showing cattle for the fair gave us so many great family memories.  Collectively, we had to have spent hundreds of hours in the barn, the cattle yard, the pasture and the machine shed while caring for, feeding, washing, taming and grooming cattle.   

I was starting fifth grade when Ann headed off for adventure as the first member of our family to attend college.  When there are four kids in a family and only three kid bedrooms in a house, it doesn’t take long for a vacant bedroom to be occupied.  Karen and I had shared a room, but when Ann moved to college Karen moved into Ann’s room.  That left my biggest bedroom with only one occupant until the spring semester ended and Ann came home for the summer.  The oldest in the family had to share a room with the youngest member of the family.  I thought it was great because she brought her 13” tv home and with an antenna we got one channel -- that made a nice addition to my room.  I’m just guessing here, but I would speculate that she wasn’t that excited to share a bedroom with her baby sister.

After Ann graduated from Iowa State and got her first teaching job, she chose to live in DeWitt.  It was fun for me to have a second place to hang out.  I would work on homework at Ann’s because she had a computer – a novelty item at the time.  I don’t recall raiding her place for food - she had Diet Pepsi and frozen pizza. 

In April 2005 when we were all at the farm and Ann and Koen announced they were getting married in a few days, I was so sad that she told us not to come.  They were married by a Justice of the Peace and independent Ann didn’t need any of us there making a big to-do of it.  She shared one picture with us.  I finally saw more pictures of their “wedding day” in November 2012. 

Brian and I visited Ann and Koen from November 14-21, 2012.  She had been diagnosed with cancer roughly a month earlier.  Spending that time with her was the most consecutive hours and days together since before I was nine years old.   It was wonderful to see her same mannerisms from childhood. Before that trip she had asked me to bring her an Iowa State stocking hat or scarf to help her stay warm as her hair got thinner.  I gladly brought her one of each.  We watched an Iowa State football game on a cable channel while we were in Belgium.  Her Cyclone loyalty never wavered. 

As I grew up we became more equals than me the baby of the family, our most common communication was exchanging emails.  She was always forthcoming with advice.  Via phone or email, her first words were usually “Hey sis.”  Those were the words she used when she called to tell me about the diagnosis, too.  I’d love to hear her voice now, or get an email in my inbox from her.  Instead, I have to settle for the memories, some of which I’ve shared and have helped mold me to become who I am. 

Ann was a proud aunt; she loved hearing what the kids were up to.  I sent her email notes of funny things Lucas or Hannah were talking about or pictures of them discovering new things.  It was a joy to be able to tell her a new baby was going to be born in June of 2013.  Lucas is old enough that he might have a few memories of Ann but Hannah and Ryan will only get to hear stories and see pictures of Aunt Ann.  That’s why it’s so important to record our memories of her.  Not for us to hash over details and be sad {even if that is one of the results} but also to share with our youngest family members.